The Bottom Line:
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- I’ve learned that asking for advice on how to improve next time is more effective than simply asking for feedback, which often leads to unhelpful praise or criticism rather than constructive coaching.
- When receiving criticism, I focus on getting a high “second score” for how well I accept and learn from the initial critical feedback, rather than dwelling on the negative evaluation itself.
- Early in my career, I gave a poor presentation to Air Force leaders and received harsh feedback, but I used the “second score” approach to humbly acknowledge my inexperience and show I was motivated to learn from their criticism in the next session.
- Focusing on verb processes over static nouns, such as striving to improve from a low score rather than being defined by it, allows for a more constructive, forward-looking perspective.
- By proactively seeking advice and controlling my own growth in response to criticism, I am able to transform feedback into valuable opportunities for development, even in challenging situations.
The Importance of Feedback Being Task-Focused Rather Than Self-Focused
Shifting the Focus from Self to Task
When receiving feedback, it’s crucial to focus on the task at hand rather than taking it personally. Feedback that targets the self can lead to defensiveness or complacency, depending on whether it’s negative or positive. Instead, seek input that helps you learn from your strengths and overcome your weaknesses. Specific, actionable feedback about what you did well or what could be improved allows you to repeat successful behaviors and correct areas that need work.
Asking for Advice Instead of Feedback
To get the most constructive input, ask for advice rather than feedback. When you ask for feedback, people tend to fall into two camps: cheerleaders who applaud your best qualities, or critics who attack your worst traits. Neither is particularly helpful for growth. Instead, ask “Can you give me advice for next time?” This subtle shift encourages others to look forward and provide tips on what to repeat or correct in the future. Actionable suggestions are more likely to emerge when you seek advice as opposed to an evaluation of the past.
Embracing a Coachable Mindset
Ultimately, the key to benefiting from feedback is adopting a coachable mindset. Rather than hoping for constructive criticism from others, take control of the process yourself. When you receive a piece of criticism, focus on getting a high “second score” for how well you handle the initial feedback. Evaluate yourself based on your openness to learning from the input, even if it stings at first. By shifting your attention to your response rather than dwelling on the critique itself, you demonstrate humility and a commitment to improvement that others will respect. This forward-looking perspective transforms feedback from a momentary judgment into an ongoing process of growth and development.
Seeking Advice for Future Improvement is More Valuable Than Asking for Past Feedback
Shifting Focus from Past Feedback to Future Improvement
When seeking feedback, it’s essential to focus on obtaining input that will help you learn from your strengths and overcome your weaknesses. Instead of asking for feedback on past performance, which often leads to either cheerleading or criticism, ask for advice on how to improve in the future. This subtle shift in perspective can make a significant difference in the quality and usefulness of the feedback you receive.
Asking for Advice vs. Asking for Feedback
When you ask for feedback, people tend to look at the past and tell you what you did right or wrong. However, when you ask for advice, they look to the future and provide suggestions on what to repeat or correct. This approach encourages others to act as coaches, helping you become a better version of yourself. For example, after giving a speech, instead of asking for feedback, ask, “What’s the one thing I could do better next time?” This question prompts actionable suggestions that can help you improve your performance.
Taking Criticism Constructively: The Second Score
When receiving criticism, it’s important to focus on taking it constructively. One effective technique is the “second score” approach, where you evaluate yourself on how well you received the initial criticism. For example, if someone gives you a low score on your performance, aim to get a high score for how well you handled the feedback. By focusing on the second score, you can motivate yourself to learn from the criticism and improve in the future, rather than getting defensive or discouraged by the initial feedback.
Overcoming the Emotional Sting of Criticism to Learn and Grow
Embracing the Discomfort of Criticism
Receiving criticism can be a painful experience, as it often triggers feelings of defensiveness and insecurity. However, it’s essential to recognize that these emotional reactions can hinder our ability to learn and grow from the feedback we receive. To overcome the emotional sting of criticism, we must first acknowledge and accept the discomfort it brings. By allowing ourselves to sit with the unpleasant feelings, we create space to process the feedback objectively and extract valuable insights.
Shifting Focus from Self to Task
One effective strategy for minimizing the emotional impact of criticism is to shift our focus from the self to the task at hand. When feedback is directed at our personal qualities or character, it’s easy to become defensive and dismiss the input. However, when criticism is framed in terms of specific behaviors or actions related to a task, it becomes easier to view it as an opportunity for improvement. By concentrating on the task-oriented aspects of the feedback, we can maintain a growth mindset and avoid getting caught up in self-doubt or negativity.
Seeking Advice, Not Just Feedback
Another approach to receiving criticism constructively is to actively seek advice rather than simply asking for feedback. When we ask for feedback, we often receive either cheerleading or criticism, neither of which is particularly helpful for growth. Instead, by requesting advice on how to improve in the future, we encourage others to provide specific, actionable suggestions that we can implement moving forward. This subtle shift in language can make a significant difference in the quality and usefulness of the input we receive, ultimately helping us to learn and develop more effectively.
The Second Score: Evaluating How Well You Receive Critical Feedback
Embracing the Second Score Mindset
When receiving critical feedback, it’s essential to focus on the “second score” – how well you receive and respond to the feedback, rather than dwelling on the initial score or evaluation itself. By adopting this mindset, you can turn a potentially discouraging moment into an opportunity for growth and improvement. Instead of becoming defensive or dismissive, strive to listen actively, ask clarifying questions, and express gratitude for the insights provided. This approach demonstrates your commitment to personal development and your ability to handle constructive criticism with grace and professionalism.
Seeking Actionable Advice Over Mere Feedback
To maximize the benefits of receiving feedback, it’s crucial to frame your request in a way that elicits actionable advice rather than mere opinions or evaluations. Instead of asking for general feedback, consider asking, “What’s one thing I could do better next time?” This subtle shift in language encourages the person providing feedback to focus on specific, forward-looking suggestions that you can implement in the future. By seeking advice rather than just an assessment of your past performance, you create an environment where others feel more comfortable offering constructive input and practical recommendations for improvement.
Cultivating a Growth Mindset
Ultimately, the key to effectively receiving critical feedback lies in cultivating a growth mindset. Rather than viewing feedback as a threat to your ego or a judgment of your worth, approach it as a valuable tool for personal and professional development. Recognize that even the most accomplished individuals have room for improvement and that seeking out and incorporating feedback is a sign of strength, not weakness. By embracing the second score mindset, actively seeking actionable advice, and maintaining a growth-oriented perspective, you can transform the process of receiving critical feedback into a powerful catalyst for positive change and continued success.
Turning Feedback Into a Forward-Looking Process to Accelerate Growth
Embracing a Growth Mindset
To turn feedback into a forward-looking process that accelerates growth, it’s essential to embrace a growth mindset. This means viewing feedback not as a judgment of your inherent abilities, but as an opportunity to identify areas for improvement and develop new skills. By focusing on the potential for growth rather than dwelling on past shortcomings, you can approach feedback with a sense of curiosity and openness, rather than defensiveness or discouragement.
Seeking Actionable Advice
One key to making feedback a catalyst for growth is to seek out actionable advice rather than just general praise or criticism. Instead of simply asking for feedback, try framing your request in terms of what you could do better next time. This subtle shift in language can encourage others to provide specific, forward-looking suggestions that you can implement to improve your performance. By proactively seeking out this type of constructive input, you take control of your own development and demonstrate a commitment to continuous improvement.
Evaluating Your Response to Feedback
In addition to the content of the feedback itself, it’s important to evaluate how well you receive and respond to feedback. One helpful technique is to give yourself a “second score” based on how constructively you handle the initial feedback. By setting a goal to earn a high score for your response, regardless of the nature of the original feedback, you can train yourself to focus on learning and growth rather than getting defensive or discouraged. Over time, this practice can help you develop greater resilience and adaptability in the face of both positive and negative feedback.
